[on the phone] "Is it Wednesday? ..... Then why did you say it was Hump Day? ...... OH."

(15/02)

"I'd be reluctant if I asked myself to go to dinner with myself."

(15/02)

"On the average, I'm human."

(16/02)

"If you weren't prepared to pay, you shouldn't have eaten from the tree of delicious."

(03/03)

"Did you just say something you didn't mean to say? You know, like fornication??"
"You mean Freudian Slip??"

"Are you ever gonna take the recycling out?"
"Tomorrow, possibly. Possum and tomorrowbly. Tomorrowbly tawesome."

(05/03/11)

"Walked through a cemetery today. Best name of ever? Ouisbert Earlington Sears"

(01/03)