"If I learned Swedish it would open a whole world of puns to me."
12/12
02 December 2011
"The only other good advice my dad gave me was, 'don't take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time'."
12/11
28 November 2011
"Did you meet the new girl?"
"Briefly."
"Is she dumb?"
"I don't know; I only shook her hand."
"Yeah, but was it a dumb handshake?"
[22]/11
25 November 2011
"'What did you do today?'
"'I played the tuba and got some roses. It was a hell of a day.'"
24/11
14 October 2011
"No, I'm not gropping [grocery shopping]. [My dog]'s not home so my house burned down."
13 October 2011
On being told his hiphop group is considered underground:
"I don't know what 'underground' means... Like what- we don't rhyme above sealevel?"
11/10/11 (TCR)
05 September 2011
"The bird poop worked."
-- A customer after finding he'd won $10 on the scratch ticket he bought because he figured a bird pooping through his sunroof yesterday should be lucky.
