"I'm not gonna be the creepy old man if I can help it."

(10/03)

Chong on "The Simpsons"

"I want you to re-invent the wheel. No. I want you to de-invent the wheel. NO. I want you to re-unvent the wool."

[S22E16 - A Midsummer's Nice Dream, original airdate: 13/03]

11:23 14/3/11

Hah a tall cat. That doesn't compute.

He tall. He frolics like a majestic pony.

Zach Galifinakis' 12th March SNL monologue

"I smoke so much pot sometimes I forget to smoke it."

"I wear a lot of Axe Body Spray. But I live in a black neighborhood where it's called Ask Body Spray. And if you don't get that joke, you're not racist."

Young child looking at his dad's total on the Interac machine for gas and two drinks: "Whoa! .... Ninety-four...ninety-one?!"
Dad: "Yeah, they're tryna... [realizing I can very easily hear but then giving in] .. they're tryna rip me off."
Young child: "That's not a rip-off! (authoritatively) A hundred and fifty dollars would be a rip-off." [Dad, next customer in line and I all laugh] (insistent, with a small smirk realizing he's the centre of attention for three grown-ups) Some people pay that for gas...! (quieter) ...with a big car."

(08/03)

"People say Jesus actually turned water into Welch's Grape Juice ....and that's how Welch's started."

(09/02)

"He had a house but they just kept their horse in it. It was a stable environment."

(09/02)